2 Decades .......

 1 May 2023 ....

I turned 20 this year 💪 .  yeahhh babe you read it correct i am 20 not out 😎 ....

Learned a lot in these 2 decedes ....

20 of Me ❤

I spent the last year of my twenties looking back on the decade as a whole and aggregating lessons I learned along the way. I actually journaled and blogged through much of my twenties so I had great reference points for looking back and seeing what was on my mind at any given age. Today I want to share with you 20 of the lessons I learned in my twenties. There's more than just this, of course, but these were the game-changers. My hope is that perhaps one of these lessons gets your wheels turning and is somehow helpful to you.

20 Lessons I Learned in My Twenties

1. Everyone has a story.

2. Pay attention to the cues you are receiving (people will show you how much they value you.)

3. Say "yes." Try new things. That will help you learn what you really love and you won't have to ask "what if?"

4. You can love and pursue more than one career path. It's harder than choosing just one. But some people are not meant for just one thing and that is OK!

5. Getting a second skill is imperative if there is not a huge need for your desired career path. It will help you not live in anguish stressing out about money and it means you'll enjoy contributing to society between gigs.

6. Tell the world who you are --better yet-- tell the world who you want to be.

7. People can't put you in a bad mood. You control how you experience the world.

8. Respect yourself enough to listen to your gut.

9. Education opens doors.

10, We regularly need to zoom out and examine our lives. We should ask ourselves, "Are we doing things on purpose?" Is this the direction I want my life to go?"

11. Internships are career launching pads. Get one. or two. or three.

12. Social media and the web are tools that can be used for good or for bad. Use them for good!

13. You never know what is right around the corner, so be intentional and optimistic. Sometimes bad things are around the corner, but it's not worth bringing the future bad into the present by being negative. And sometimes there is something great around the corner--quite often actually. Life is cyclical that way.

14. Show up to do the work even if you don't feel inspired. You've gotta show up.

15. If you don't audition you'll never book the part. If you don't write the book it will never be a best-seller. You have to risk rejection and failure. Be brave!

16.BE A GIRL WITH A MIND, A WOMAN WITH ATTITUDE AND A LADY WITH CLASS: A well-rounded woman is always a good thing. Be smart, be sassy and be kind – sounds easy, right?!

17 .DISAPPOINTMENTS ARE JUST GOD’S WAY OF SAYING “I HAVE GOT SOMETHING BETTER.

18. LEAVE A LITTLE SPARKLE WHEREVER YOU GO: Be you and have FUN! Try to be that girl that made everyone feel a little better about themselves.

19. GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN: And guess what?! That is TOTALLY fine! Have a girls night. Take a bath. Watch The Bachelor. Go on a hot date. Do something that you LOVE and that makes you feel good!

Last but not least 

20. BE THE REASON SOMEONE SMILES TODAY: I had this on my mirror for a really long time and I saw it every day when I got ready for work. To this day, it is my goal to try to make someone smile. To try to make someone a little happier. Be the reason! YOU have the power.

So that's my list of twenty things I learned in my twenties. The prospect of learning so much more in my thirties sounds pretty thrilling to me. But tell me, did this list spark a reminder in your mind of lessons you've learned in your current or last phase of life? 

I would LOVE to hear them.

Spirituality in Life

 

Why Is Spirituality Important?

There is a growing body of evidence indicating that spiritual practices are associated with better health and wellbeing for many reasons, including:

Contemplative practice is good for you.

Contemplative practices are activities that guide you to direct your attention to a specific focus—often an inward-looking reflection or concentration on a specific sensation or concept. Many spiritual traditions have a long history of using contemplative practices to increase compassion, empathy, and attention, as well as quiet the mind.

1. 1- Meditation can induce feelings of calm and clear-headedness as well as improve concentration and attention. Brain researcher Richard Davidson’s research shows that meditation increases the brain’s gray matter density, which can reduce sensitivity to pain, enhance your immune system, help you regulate difficult emotions, and relieve stress. Mindfulness meditation in particular has been proven helpful for people with depression and anxiety, cancer, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, rheumatoid arthritis, type 2 diabetes, chronic fatigue syndrome, and cardiovascular disease.
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3. 2- Prayer may elicit the relaxation response, along with feelings of hope, gratitude, and compassion—all of which have a positive effect on overall wellbeing. There are several types of prayer, many of which are rooted in the belief that there is a higher power that has some level of influence over your life. This belief can provide a sense of comfort and support in difficult times—a recent study found that clinically depressed adults who believed their prayers were heard by a concerned presence responded much better to treatment than those who did not believe.
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5. 3- Yoga is a centuries-old spiritual practice that aims to create a sense of union within the practitioner through physical postures, ethical behaviors, and breath expansion. The systematic practice of yoga has been found to reduce inflammation and stress, decrease depression and anxiety, lower blood pressure, and increase feelings of wellbeing.
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7. 4- Journaling is another, often overlooked, contemplative practice that can help you become more aware of your inner life and feel more connected to your experience and the world around you. Studies show that writing during difficult times may help you find meaning in life’s challenges and become more resilient in the face of obstacles.

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9. A spiritual community can improve your life.

   Many spiritual traditions encourage participation in a community. Spiritual fellowship, such as attending church or a meditation group, can be sources of social support which may provide a sense of belonging, security, and community. Strong relationships have been proven to increase wellbeing and bolster life expectancy, which is perhaps why one study found a strong association between church attendance and improved health, mood, and wellbeing.
   

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11. Spiritual strength can help you overcome hardships.

12. Dr. Steven Southwick’s book, Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges, describes how some people overcome  trauma—such as abduction, war, and imprisonment—by seeking comfort in spirituality or religion. He gives examples where spiritual people find ways to “meet the challenge and continue with purposeful lives…they bounce back and carry on.”

    Having a strong spiritual outlook may help you find meaning in life’s difficult circumstances. Southwick describes the story of a woman who overcame the post-traumatic stress following an abduction and rape by believing that her trauma “served as a platform for her personal development, forcing her to evaluate her life and gradually change it for the better. She credits her ability to move forward with her life…to her dedication to spirituality.”

    

    
    

    The spiritual practice of recognizing the interconnectedness of all life can also help buffer the pain that comes with difficult experiences. Researcher Kristin Neff says that “if we can compassionately remind ourselves in moments of falling down that failure is part of the shared human experience, then that moment becomes one of togetherness rather than isolation. When our troubled, painful experiences are framed by the recognition that countless others have undergone similar hardships, the blow is softened.”

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2. Spiritual people make healthier choices.

   Adhering to a particular spiritual tradition may bring an indirect health benefit because many traditions have rules about treating the body with kindness and avoiding unhealthy behaviors. Research shows that perhaps because of these tenets, people who practice a religion or faith tradition are less likely to smoke or drink, commit a crime, or become involved in violent activity, and they are more likely to engage in preventative habits like wearing seatbelts and taking vitamins.

3. Spirituality may help you live longer.

   An exhaustive review that compared spirituality and religiousness to other health interventions found that people with a strong spiritual life had an 18% reduction in mortality. Giancarlo Lucchetti, lead author of the study, calculates that the life-lengthening benefits of spirituality can be compared to eating a high amount of fruits and vegetables or taking blood pressure medication.

   
   
   Although some researchers have suggested that the extent of spirituality’s benefit on health is exaggerated, most researchers agree there is a positive relationship between religious and spiritual practices and better health outcomes.

4. Forgiveness is good medicine.

   Letting go of blame and negative feelings after a hurtful incident is a practice that is reflected by a number of spiritual traditions, including Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, and Judaism. Modern science shows the health benefits of forgiveness are numerous: better immune function, longer lifespan, lowered blood pressure, improved cardiovascular health, and fewer feelings of anger or hurt.

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Kindness

  SMALL ACT OF KINDNESS.

I was walking home from school one day when I noticed a small, black cat slinking along the street. It wasn’t the first cat I’d seen, as cats were quite common in the neighborhood, but this one stood out. Its movements weren’t erratic; it moved with a purpose, its eyes darting from side to side, seeming to take in its surroundings.

Curious, I watched it for a bit, intrigued by its behavior, and that’s when I noticed the particular way it was looking at me. It wasn’t with indifference or fear, as other cats often do, but with an intent, almost demanding gaze. I stared back. We stood there for a moment, the cat and I, before it broke away and continued on its way. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I followed it. I kept a fair distance but still stayed close enough to keep an eye on the feline and saw that it was a male.

He led me down a path I had never taken before. We wandered through old, forgotten streets and alleys. I kept expecting it to turn off somewhere, but it never did. The cat seemed to know exactly where it was going. After a while, I recognized some sights and realized that it was leading me home.

My apartment building was in a run-down part of town, and I’m a young nineteen-year-old girl, so I was always on the lookout for potential danger. But the cat, while skittish, seemed to lead me away from any potential trouble. I followed him up the stairs and through the main entrance. He stopped at my door and mewed, as if to say goodbye. I thanked him and opened the door, and before I could even turn around, it was gone.

The next day, I was back at school. But my mind was still on the strange cat. I hadn’t seen anything like it before, and I couldn’t help but wonder where he had come from.

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice when I arrived at the school. As soon as I stepped foot inside, however, I heard a familiar meow. I spun around and there, sitting in the middle of the hallway, was the same cat from the day before.

He meowed again, and I knew immediately what he wanted. He wanted me to go with him. Intrigued, I grabbed my bag and said yes. I grabbed my bag and followed the cat out of the building, not knowing where he would take me. We walked through the streets for what felt like hours, finally stopping at an old abandoned building. My heart was racing as I peered into the dark doorway, but when I looked down the cat had already gone inside.

I cautiously stepped into the darkness and heard a chorus of meows that echoed off the walls. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I realized that there were dozens of cats living in this old building, all living together in harmony. I was astonished to see such a large group of cats in one place.

The cat from before rubbed against my leg and then began walking through the small passages between the kittens and cats. It seemed to lead me somewhere special. We made our way up a few flights of stairs until we reached a room on the top floor. The cat pushed open a door with his paw and revealed an even larger space filled with blankets, toys and food bowls- a makeshift kitty playground!

There were kittens playing with toys while others snuggled up together on warm blankets and pillows. Some were even taking naps on what appeared to be textbooks.

I couldn't believe what I was witnessing; these cats had created a safe haven where they could play, sleep, and learn together. I felt myself beginning to tear up as my heart filled with admiration for these brave and resourceful creatures.

The cat from before-whom I named Blackie- sat next to me, contentedly washing his face as if he wanted me to understand something important about these stray cats: that even though they are often seen as pests or nuisances, they can still do extraordinary things when given half a chance. That’s why it seemed so intent on leading me here, so that I could see this hidden miracle first hand.

Blackie rubbed against my leg again, making me think he wanted me to stay with them, but I knew that soon enough I would have to go back to the busy streets outside. So I told the cats goodbye and thanked them for allowing me into their special world.

As I walked away from the building, something inside me felt different. Despite their precarious living situations, these cats still found ways of joyfully going about life—reminding me that no matter how bad a situation might seem, there was always hope if you looked hard enough.

With determination and motivation, I decided then and there that I would do everything to aid them.

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As soon as I got home, I began researching rescues and shelters nearby while also reaching out to friends, family, and colleagues to see if they had any contacts who might be interested in helping. The response was overwhelmingly positive and soon enough I had multiple offers of people willing to support the cause and some even offering money or food donations.

I returned later that day with a truck full of supplies purchased with the generous donations from those who supported the cats’ cause. As we unloaded it all into the makeshift kitty playground, it was almost like seeing a dream come true- these cats were finally going to have all the necessities they needed for a comfortable life.

The kittens ran around with new toys in hand while others curled up on soft blankets for naps or licked their food bowl clean before running off to explore again. It was impossible not to smile as I looked around at each happy cat's face.

As evening began its descent upon us, we loaded up our things and said our goodbyes. With one last look around at all the furry faces now playing happily with one another.

Although the future of the stray cats was still uncertain, this small act of kindness had given them more hope - something that no one could ever take away from them. And I couldn't help but feel proud that I took part in it.

I feel sad that Blackie didn't approach me, but as soon as all volunteers went back, Blackie stepped out of the crowd of cats and seemed to smile at me. He sauntered to me and rubbed his head on my leg. "There you are," I said, putting my hand between perky ears. He purred, and I smiled.

I walked back home with him with my heart filled with excitement for the future.

And somehow, after this experience they had given me the courage to bravely pursue my dream of being one of the best vet in the country.

Live and Dare

 

Stress is an inevitable part of our everyday lives. A little bit can be positive, but too much stress takes a toll on the body and mind.

The goal isn’t to eliminate stress (that would be impossible) but rather to reduce it where possible and take time to recover from the stressors of daily life.

Take a minute (often)

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” — Etty Hillesum

When life gets busy, there can be a snowball effect. Busyness begets busyness. And if we don’t take some time every day to interrupt the “snowball” from rolling, it gets bigger, faster, and harder to stop, leading to burning out or, to keep with the snowball analogy, crashing into a wall. This is prevented by regularly and intentionally pausing and taking time for yourself (even just a minute).

Build awareness

Regularly acknowledge how much you do and how much that requires of your body, mind, and heart. Deepening our awareness of how stress impacts our wellbeing can motivate us to interrupt the stress cycle and prioritize rejuvenation.

Set boundaries

Time is a limited and precious resource, so we feel best when we spend it wisely. Boundaries support us to choose meaningful priorities and let go of the things that don’t provide nourishment. To create a boundary that supports you, start with a value you have; from there, determine what you need to make that value possible and then determine how you can honor that need.

Bring ease into your effort

The tricky thing about stress is that it impacts the body’s ability to effectively do its job. For example, you might choose to eat a healthy lunch, but if you’re eating it while stressed (perhaps feeling like you don’t have time to eat and that you should be working), the body won’t be able to digest and absorb all of the amazing nutrients that you consumed.2

What causes stress in college students?

According to the American College Health Association (ACHA), 44.9% of college students experience more than average stress levels, while 12.7% experience overwhelming stress levels. With so many academic demands and responsibilities as a student, it’s expected that you might feel high levels of stress from time to time. But, when stress disrupts daily activities, you need to determine the cause of your stress and how to manage it.

Stress management tips for college students

1. Get proper rest and sleep

Many college students pull all-nighters, studying through the night to prepare for an exam, but this type of habit can lead to sleep deprivation and insomnia. 

Depriving your body of sleep can lower cognitive function, academic performance, and mental health. If you have trouble sleeping at night, try techniques such as avoiding excess caffeine, turning down the lights, or putting away technology at least one hour before bed.

2. Focus on health and nutrition

When you pair the freedom to choose what and when along with academic stress, college students are more likely to cope by overeating or undereating. Developing good habits like eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep can help manage stress and prevent dramatic weight loss or weight gain.

3. Be active

If you’re having trouble getting motivated to be active, try inviting a friend, changing up your routine, or exercising in short-time intervals. Adding just 15 minutes of physical activity to your daily routine can help your physical and mental health.

4. Have a stress outlet

Having a healthy outlet to turn to in times of stress can help calm your mind and clarify how to move forward in a stressful situation. Things like a hobby, social club, or physical exercise can all be outlets for relieving stress.

5. Find connections

The Mayo Clinic says that “social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health and poor cardiovascular health, as well as other health problems.” College is a great time to make new friends. Joining a club or organization, talking to classmates, volunteering, or being on an intramural sports team can help create connections on and off-campus.

Accept Yourself

Learning to be OK with all the pieces of you can be hard, but with some practice, you can learn the art of self-acceptance.

While there are always ways to improve and better ourselves, in the end, we are who we are.

After all, who doesn’t have good qualities they’re proud of and flaws they could do without? And we each experience success or failure at different times in our lives.

Learning to accept yourself for who you are can bring peace and calm to your life.

How to accept yourself

1. Forgive yourself
2. Practice self-compassion
3. Use present moment awareness and mindfulness
4. Acknowledge and love your abilities
5. Ignore your inner critic
6. Connect with loved ones who appreciate you
7. Move on from disappointments
8. Gain perspective on your limitations



Smiling with my scars 

1. Self-esteem differs from self-acceptance

   Self-esteem refers to having confidence in your qualities and abilities. A person with higher self-esteem might feel worthy of good and positive experiences and feel able to handle difficult situations.

   In a 2017 studyTrusted Source based on data from 201 adolescents, researchers observed that a person’s self-esteem was linked to them having fewer symptoms of anxiety, depression, and attention problems.

   While self-esteem and self-acceptance are connected, self-acceptance refers to the act of embracing every aspect of yourself — strengths and weaknesses.

   You might think of it this way: Self-esteem is the quality of fuel you use, and self-acceptance is how you drive on that tank of fuel.

2. Why is it so hard to accept yourself?

   From the moment we’re born, how we fit into the world is determined and highly influenced by our caregivers.

   This gives them a lot of power in terms of how we understand and see ourselves. For instance, if your caregiver encouraged, loved, and accepted you, your self-acceptance will often be much different from a child who experienced the opposite.

   When we start school, we’re measured by how well we perform on tests and in class, as well as how we assimilate with our peers. All this can contribute to self-worth and acceptance.

   As we get older, life circumstances, relationships, and how we’re treated by others can influence how readily we accept ourselves.

   It can be hard for many of us to accept ourselves if:

   • diversity, equity, and inclusion are low where you live
   • imposter syndrome has been at play in your life
   • you’ve engaged in harmful behaviors that had consequences
   • trauma has made it difficult to embrace your past or present

   No matter how your self-acceptance was shaped up until this point, there are practical ways to work on accepting yourself, right now, just as you are.

   

 

Believe in yourself

 Believing in yourself can help you live a more fulfilling and satisfying life. It’s linked to greater resilience, improved mental health, and better decision-making.

Greater resilience

A studyTrusted Source of 1,015 middle school students found that self-esteem positively predicts resilience. The authors of the study note that resilience can be thought of as a personality trait that can help you adapt to negative stressors and maintain psychological function.

When you believe in yourself, you have greater confidence in your abilities and your capacity to overcome challenges. This can help you bounce back from setbacks and failures and allow you to stay motivated and persevere through tough times.

Improved mental health

Believing in yourself can help reduce anxiety and stress, improve your mood, and boost your overall sense of well-being.

In contrast, 2019 research shows a link between low self-esteem and increased anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Better decision making

When you trust yourself and your abilities, you’re more likely to make decisions that align with your values and goals. This confidence can give you the courage to make decisions that you might otherwise hesitate to make.

You’ll also be less likely to second-guess yourself or be swayed by the opinions of others.

Better relationships

When you believe in yourself, you’re more likely to form healthy relationships, less likely to rely on others for validation, and more likely to show up authentically in your relationships.

An analysis of 52 studies involving more than 47,000 participants looked at the links between self-esteem and social relationships over time.

Not only did the authors find that positive social relationships, social support, and social acceptance can help shape positive self-esteem in people of all ages, but they also found a significant effect in the reverse direction.

In other words, feeling good about yourself can improve your relationships.

Next steps

Believing you’re “good enough” is extremely important for your overall well-being. It can improve your mental health, relationships, and decision-making skills, among many other things.

If you’re having one of those days, in which you’re feeling “less than,” take the time to ask yourself the five questions above. Remind yourself that you’re a unique individual who has so much to offer the world. You’re not alone.

Feelings of Not Being Good Enough

 We’ve all felt “not good enough” at some point in our lives. Maybe you feel like you’ll never pass your exam, attract a good partner, or move up in your company.

It’s important that you challenge these thoughts because if you dwell on them for too long, they can turn into full-blown beliefs and negatively impact your self-esteem.

Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself when you’re not feeling good enough.

1. What evidence do I have that I’m not good enough?

Often our negative thoughts are based on feelings rather than evidence. And when we take time to examine the facts, we realize that we’re a lot more capable than we thought.

You may even have “impostor syndrome,” a psychological phenomenon that causes you to doubt your own accomplishments. People with impostor syndrome believe their success is due to luck or other external factors rather than their own abilities.

Remind yourself that you’ve worked hard to get where you are in life.

2. Am I comparing myself to others unfairly?

Sometimes we feel like we’re not good enough because we’re comparing ourselves to others who are in different circumstances.

We may also be comparing our own weaknesses to another person’s strengths. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own unique journey.

3. What are my strengths and accomplishments?

Focusing on your strengths and accomplishments can help you feel more confident and capable. Take some time to list out your achievements and positive qualities.

This list doesn’t have to include tangible awards like a trophy — although it certainly can. You can also include positive qualities you possess, such as always doing your best or being kind to animals.

4. What’s the worst that could happen if I’m not perfect?

Often, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect, but this can be unrealistic and unhelpful. You may even have atelophobia, an obsessive fear of imperfection.

It can be helpful to ask yourself what the worst-case scenario is if you’re not perfect, and you’ll probably find that it’s not as bad as you imagined. In fact, making mistakes is how we learn and grow.

5. What can I do to improve how I feel?

Think of things you can do to improve your mood and feelings of self-worth. This could be:

• taking a break
• practicing self-care
• talking with a friend or therapist
• doing something that brings you joy
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  Reminder: You’re good enough

  There are numerous reasons why you’re good enough. Here are four of them:

  1. You are unique: You have a unique set of skills, qualities, and experiences that make you who you are. No one else can be exactly like you, and that makes you special.
  2. You’re capable of growth: Nobody is perfect, and everyone has areas where they can improve. But the fact that you recognize that you want to improve and are willing to work on it shows that you have the ability to grow and learn.
     
  3. You’ve achieved things in your life: You’ve likely accomplished many things in your life, big and small. It could be completing a project, being a good friend, or taking care of your family. These accomplishments show that you have the ability to succeed.
  4. You are here: You are alive and living on this earth, which means you have a purpose and a place in this world. You have the opportunity to make a difference, create something, or contribute to society in your own way.